square balls

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of
> Canada one morning with a purse full of money... She wanted to open a
> savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
> because, she said, she had a lot of money.
>
> After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right)
> an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
>
> The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.
> She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president
> was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money.
> The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
>
> The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
>
> The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles
> are
> Square.'
>
> The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible
> to win a bet like that.
>
> The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and
> said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
>
> 'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles
> are not square.'
>
> 'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money
> involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock
> tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the
> president of the Bank confidently.
>
> That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a
> long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them
> this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was
> positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and
> reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
>
> The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the
> president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made
> the day before that the president's testicles were square.
>
> The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the
> day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. So
> that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
>
> The president was happy to oblige.
>
> The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the
> president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president.
> 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
>
> The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president
> noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked
> the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's
> probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the
> morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of
> Canada !'

One sunny day in January, 2009 an old man approached the White
House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a
park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I
would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer
president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and
said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with
President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr.
Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and again just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke
to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet
with President Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the
man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been
here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr.
Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't
you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I
just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you
tomorrow, sir." :)

Problem Solved

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

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